I never think I’m such a wimpy or whiny girl as long as I live. In fact, I always think I’am someone who can bare any life discomfort, because in my mind n in my heart, I am just Allah’s slave, I’m here to serve His cause, and I choose my path which He destined, so just bring it on🙂.

But….
To my surprise…I’m far from the real deal, coping with discomfort. Talking about the discomfort, it’s started with dealing with letting other people know what is the real truth regarding things that I know about for sure, of simple things in our life, such as, smoking is haram and very unhealthy but to most people in my beloved country, we especially women, will take this lightly, and will just face those who smoke on our face or even our babies kike it doesn’t matter, baik-baik saja, senyum manis, kecut, but! God forbid us to let the smoker to know that we are not okay, because we don’t want to face discomfort by having others have tension on us, maybe say bad words, etc, even the smoker also know for sure, its not good. But we choose to ignore and pretend its okay, rather than to reveal the truth of what we feel than others to feel discomfort. Nevermind me getting cancer because of me being a pasive smoker, but don’t stop the smoker who smoke in front of us.. Auzubillah…

Alhamdulillah I pass that stage already, but, its’s just the tip of a n iceberg in dealing with greater discomfort in order to have a real change in my life, my family, most importantly in me.

Coming to realize the world n our humanity crisis is another great discomfort in order not to follow the pattern of destroying our life. From being labelled as pesimistic, to too rigid, too extremist is something I take very lightly, in fact, being called negative names, is not a discomfort in my opinion, the real discomfort in this case, is that in real deal situation, whether I would like to make compromise in to the level of destruction or not, because I’m too chicken to let others feel uncomfortable with my knowledge knowing some things better than others who I’m dealing with.

Let say, by telling to someone I know “not family of course coz they know me, that I will lecture them till they feel embarased to do things that I disagree and logically just about anybody can justify that is right, at least in front of me. “Hey, do you know that synthetic additives in our food n drink is not good for our health as well for our environment, when that person is comparing how yummy is the “junk food” to natural food, I will let tht question be hanging, and that person at the end will just say, well its all depend on our taste, or we all gonna die anyway, or I’m not sick so far…(at the end I’m just saying in my mind..poor me, ashame on me..).

The greater deal is when I’m moving to live in our eco farm. This is not a sweet lulaby cinderela story life, its a hard work, lots of pain, headache included, you feel like your joint hurt like crazy! No kidding, regardless, how I want to live this life and never once I’m regreting to live here, still the level of discomfort is tremendeous, that makes me cry once sometimes🙂 not about the physical work, but the headache!

Each kilo of our stuff for building, as well just about everything, have to be carried up here, mostly by villagers, anddd,,…for eachtime, my heart is racing, and hold my anger, in case they screw up, which happened many times. On top of that, once in a while I feel very uncomfortable, to get angry to the wreckless and not responsible workers for not handling or doing things with care (careless works happen almost all the time that I feel so ashamed to keep reminding them and get angry), which is very unfortunate of me, when would I be brave enough to anytime needed to say my mind? otherwise, I’m taking responsibility on the act of jeopardizing my family life which is also my life. Then again, why am I feel uncomfortable to make others who do things that’s not right to feel uncomfortable to themselves so they will take things more seriuosly. Where’s the consequences of an act if I don’t say a thing. Where’s the change will take place, if things left alone unfix when its broken or needed to be fix,..oh my..